Daddy, what should I ask Santa for? Therapy, you should ask him for therapy.
Every year, as kids, we would engage in the national tradition of writing Santa letters as to what we’d want for Christmas. And every year, he’d get drunk and buy us socks. Without fail. We never actually sent off the letters, more left them around so our parents could conveniently find them. And then buy us socks. In the town of North Pole, however, there is a popular national program where children writ... Read Full Story
Oh, it’s happened. As soon as Dark Knight set the record for overnight box office last year from Revenge Of The Sith, you knew it would be displaced by something equally as terrible. So now The Dark Knight is sandwiched between the Star Wars prequels and Twilight for the biggest opening day in history. What you are hearing is the sound of bad taste.
So the news to Hollywood is, that despite the assertions of movie studio execs, women do go to movies. Unfortunately, with the top grossing... Read Full Story
I love this job. I’ve written things that should never ever leave a human mouth, and this would be Exhibit A in that. Backstage at Jimmy Kimmel’s show, 50 Cent’s crew mistook Marv Albert for someone important and apparently tried to beat him down.
50’s getting crazy with his beefs, mang.
Marv Albert, for those of you who are unaware, could kick your ass. He’s the voice of the NBA, probably dresses in bondage gear and bites people, which means not only does he spe... Read Full Story
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MadeMan Read Full Story
This is an interesting story to me. There’s liking Star Trek, and liking Star Trek a little too much. Like, way too much. Like, to the point where it’s detrimental to your child’s development and opinion of you. A man in Minnesota only spoke to his son in Klingon for the first three years of his life.
Star Trek only recently became actually cool, with the new release of the prequel. Before it was always borderline entertaining, and I say that as a Trekkie. So the motivation ... Read Full Story
First up, "Planet 51“. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson stars in this not-Pixar-so-not-as-good CGI-fest about an American astronaut who discovers life on a new planet. Strangely, evolution seems to have paralleled Earth’s, with 50’s-era culture in place. This is one of those cutesy movies with a ton of sight gags, “in” references to science fiction and space, and probably a lot of screaming masquerading as actual comedy. Your kids will love it, but you̵... Read Full Story
God, I love PETA. They’re preachy in the worst way, do exactly what they warn not to do, and when new technology fails them, they’ll never fail to compromise their values. Case in point? They were demonstrating a humane way of killing a lobster, when things went wrong, and they had to boil hundreds of them.
The CrustaStun is the newest way of killing crustaceans. It does it with an electric zap, instead of the old way. You know, hunting them down while singing, or bludgeoning thei... Read Full Story
Are you planning on vacationing soon? Do you have a few extra pounds that you’re packing on? Can you identify with most of Martin Lawrence’s movies? If so, you might want to stay the hell away from Peru. Because a gang is targeting fat people, killing them, and selling their fat for cosmetics.
In a story that could be ripped straight from a Chuck Palahniuk novel, the Peruvian Gang, who called themselves Pishtacos … wait, Pishtacos? That sounds like a man with a lisp telling ... Read Full Story
