Harry is 4. I tried to explain to him that in a couple weeks, we're going to have ourselves an election. He knows who the current president is and doesn't recognize John McCain. But when I showed him a picture of Barack Obama he said: "Bobby doesn't like that guy."Bobby being our dad, Robert. Read Full Story
Or, some of the best writing ever in the universe:My friends, no one not in my situation can appreciate my feeling of sadness at this parting. To this place, and the kindness of these people, I owe everything. Here I have lived a quarter of a century, and have passed from a young to an old man. Here my children have been born, and one is buried. I now leave, not knowing when, or whether ever, I may return, with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assis... Read Full Story
I think the entire presidential campaign could take place in court. Have each side present a side, then get cross-examined thoroughly and whoever gets to be president, the other candidate goes to prison for libel and fraud. Then, if, after four years, the president is seen not to have done a good job, he (not "he or she" yet, for better or for worse, although at this rate, I'll be getting ambivalent about Michelle Obama's candidacy in 2024) goes to jail for fraud and libel. Read Full Story
Supposedly there is an Indira Ghandi Peace prize, which the current president of Iceland has won (he's coming to Columbia College, and I still occasionally read their publicity). Leaving aside the ruler of the most geologically- and genetically-nifty nation on the planet, I'd like to take a moment to ask a question the publicity surrounding his visit did not consider it in their purview ( and rightly so, perhaps) to ask: "Gee, guys. Why do you think Indira Ghandi would have a p... Read Full Story
Now made with 100% all-natural, non-carcinogenic ingredients, guaranteed or your money back!Cheese Whiz: "Now with up to 2.4% more cheese flavor in every third bite! (Void where prohibited.)"Brussels Sprouts: "Now with 40% more edibility!"Cigarettes: "Now with 30% more cost!"Carrots: "Tired of eating the same old carrots? Well, try new carrots! Now with 100% more carrotiness in every carrot!'Feel free to post your own. Read Full Story
I'm not a self-centered asshole. I don't think any writer is. Many are assholes, I'm sure--or translate as such into human terms--but not self-centered. It's not a martyr complex; it's the plain truth: no one who was actually self-centered would treat himself the way a writer treats himself, alienating personal relationships and then dissecting them in print; abjuring sleep and calm: living on an edge, in constant danger of falling, for no better reason than to be able ... Read Full Story
There's a company in Louisville Kentucky (the last state in the Union to have slaves legally) called the Rebel Yell Distillery that claims to have been making their eponymous bourbon since 1849. It's very good Bourbon. Of COURSE it's good bourbon--there was no such thing as a "rebel yell" until the 1860s. So the company was literally ahead of its time. Woo! Prophetic whiskey! Read Full Story
A person just died somewhere. Another.Salmon: upstream; trout: downstream; wolves: unmoving.Government investigates government corruption. Reveals: corruption.. Read Full Story
