What to Sort Before You Move In Together
Sort Before: Moving in with your other half is one of the biggest steps you can take in your relationship, and there's a lot to consider before you…
Moving in with your other half is one of the biggest steps you can take in your relationship, and there's a lot to consider before you start shifting boxes into your new joint home. By tackling the core issues in your relationship with an open mind and plenty of communication, you can sort through the various lifestyle issues that you face together and find a middle ground that suits both of you well. But first, there are some things you need to sort out before you can start to think about how fabulous your new life together is going to be!
However, with a little bit of communication and an open mind before moving in, you can set up a great working relationship that enhances your relationship together rather than bringing stress. This means addressing the following three issues first: money, space, and habits.
Navigating Money and Shared Expenses
Money often causes stress in a relationship, particularly once you start living together. Therefore, it is crucial to clarify issues surrounding money prior to moving in together to avoid resentment later on. This entails a detailed examination of each other's finances.
All shared ongoing expenses need to be listed and discussed. These are things like joint lease/mortgage repayments, all shared bills like water, electricity, gas, and television, food and other household supplies, and bills that need to be paid on an ongoing basis like the internet, gyms, home security, etc. These then need to be split. A simple way is to split them equally (50/50). Alternatively, some costs could be split based on income.
In addition, setting up a system to pay the shared expenses is also important.
Consider opening a joint bank account and using this for paying all the household bills, such as for the shared lease/mortgage, utilities, groceries, and household items. Add money to this each month and use a budgeting app built on AI in finance to monitor spending between payments. This shared account can also be used for saving, with transfers made automatically between accounts as often as required.
This can lead to some really honest discussions around how you both spend your money, and your financial goals for the future. It also helps to talk about whether you're each naturally more of a saver or a spender, and how that balance might shift once you're sharing a home.
Defining Personal Space and Managing Possessions
You have two lots of furniture, and two lots of dishes, pots and pans, etc. It makes sense to go through them all before you start moving them to your new home. Just because something doesn't fit with your new furniture doesn't mean it has to go to charity yet! It's worth having a good rummage through before you start packing, and seeing what you can keep, and what you can pass on to charity or even sell.
Talking through what you each own before it goes into the new place can lead to some genuinely interesting conversations, especially around the items that carry memories for one of you.
Allowing for personal space within the home is of equal importance.
Thinking about your own space in a home shared with a partner can also highlight some key points that you may not have thought of previously. What does personal space mean to you? Could you work from home and need a space to set up a desk to do late-night work, for example? Perhaps you have a favorite reading spot in the house and would like to set up a special corner to retreat to for some me time.
Establishing Daily Routines and Chores
While it is unlikely that any couple can live together without the occasional conflict over chores and other household duties, many such seemingly minor incidents can blow up in unexpected ways.
The best way to organize your shared home so both of you can thrive is to be open about each other's daily routines. This can include drawing up a list of shared household chores, such as cleaning, shopping for food and cooking meals, washing, taking out the rubbish, etc. Each person can choose which chores they prefer, or you can alternate week by week.
And what about your daily rhythms?
Knowing each other's morning and evening routines can help avoid unintentionally getting in the other person's way when they are busy. That person may need some time and space as soon as they walk through the front door after work.
Planning for Communication and Conflict Resolution
We all have disputes in our relationships, and while some are easier to resolve when you live apart, others are not. Living together makes it more important to get good at how you deal with conflicts. How are you going to handle things on a bad day?
Most of the issues between you will arise early on and should be addressed before they become problematic. Make time to talk it through when you're both feeling fresh, not tired or rushed. Keep it calm and discuss the matter in an adult manner.
Schedule a weekly check-in for at least the first three months of living together, and keep it going as a regular habit after that. Use this to celebrate the good and discuss areas for improvement.
Living together is a process of learning and growing. It needs flexibility, patience, and humor. In the end, it can be the most wonderful place on earth to live.
