Late Night Jokes

David Letterman has been caught with his pants down, his Worldwide Pants!  He’s has admitted to shagging with many, many many women in his employ and interns, too. He’s in the frying pan and Jay Leno has found a holy chance to turn up the heat, slaughtering him with post-confession potshot jokes on Jay Leno’s Friday evening show. “If you came here tonight for sex with a talk-show host, you’re in the wrong studio.” Right in the kisser…. But wait… There’s more! Mid-way through his Late Night...Read Full Story

Punographics Puns: the lowest form of humor. - - - I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words...Read Full Story

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this: My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room.  But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.I explode and demanded to know why the charge is so high. I told the clerk...Read Full Story

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire  Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?" Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!" Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it........ A-Robin B-Sparrow C-Cuckoo D-Thrush Remember Barbara its...Read Full Story

A Chick With Long Legs  A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says"I'll have a beer," and the ostrich...Read Full Story

The Blonde at the Supermarket Arnold goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and saying a sweet "hello!" He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. Finally he says, "Um, do you know me?" She replies, "I think you're the father of one of my children." Uh oh.... He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to Janet, and has a sudden recollection of a drunken party. "My god," Arnold says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor...Read Full Story

The Wife and the Thermometer Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was...Read Full Story

The Deer Hunter It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag  the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asked her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his...Read Full Story

You Can't Take it With You When Bill Clinton was on his deathbed, he told his most trusted aide that, having managed to thwart all the rest of the rules in life, he had figured out how to "take it with him" after death. He instructed his aide to withdraw $5 million cash from his secret account and put it in two suitcases in the attic above his bed so his soul could grab them as it departed. The next day, after Bill died, Hillary went into the attic with the aide to see if the cash-filled...Read Full Story

Drinking and Driving A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey nods his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes...Read Full Story