jagerl

It has been a long time since I last posted and with time comes change. The devil on my back has come and gone and come and gone and is in the process of trying to climb back up again. An annoying and wearisome battle to be sure. I moved to another state, back with my family in another attempt to thwart it but im learning that moving only causes your problems to travel. I now have a basement apt at my aunt and uncles which is far better then the last couple years as far as space and comfort... Read Full Story

Love and War? How does the saying go... alls fair in love and war. That may be true but to whose detriment. I feel like someone always loses and its probably not the one who made the statement in the first place. How do you explain to someone that they mean everything to you but youre flawed. You can tell them and even try to warn them away no matter how much it hurts you but in the end I think people always want to find the good in others and think they can bring that out or save them if... Read Full Story

I cant believe I have been back home for 6 months now. I feel like I just got here in terms of what I have actually accomplished. I suppose if I really think about it I am in a better position now then I was when I left FL but I feel so helpless here. And def like a ghost of the person I was 10 years ago when I first left home. Its weird because its like all the people around me have changed and yet the environment and expectations are the same. I am so sick of pretending that I am the same... Read Full Story

Before I begin, a little note: I am prescribed Ritalin for ADD and I am an adult, my experiences may not hold true for the younger people on these meds. I also have no training or degree in Pharmacology or chemistry, these are strictly personal observations. I was also on a pretty good prescription coverage insurance program that allowed me to get my Adderall at a twenty dollar co-pay. After the loss of that insurance I am making due with the resources I have. So after being switched from... Read Full Story

Every night I stare at the ceiling, the walls, anything not to close my eyes. Anything not to see you in my eyes. I feel the pain, its turned to a constant strain. Death is lurking nearby trying to pull me down. Trying to offer its sweet relief, im almost won over in my belief. From all these things I try to protect myself, sit back and put it on the shelf. But it all keeps tumbling and im still crumbling. I lay and pray that somehow I wont live to see another day but it doesnt work that way... Read Full Story

So much has happened, I dont even know where to start. Im coming from a mostly clean mind, Ive won some fights but sometimes I feel like im losing the war. Everyday is a struggle and most days end with my wishing I wasnt gonna wake up the next day, then waking up and wondering what the hell im suppose to do with myself. Funny as I read back over these posts I see so clearly now what I should have done, the road I was headed down. As the saying goes hindsight is 20/20. Ive gained and lost so... Read Full Story

I dont know if I will actually get through the last 3rd tonight but it should stand as a testament to my state of mind that I have made it to this point in relatively little time. That being said, pause for another shot. I forgot I already set it up, probably a good indication I dont need it. Bottoms up... I have come to realize if Lo is reading this, it will just reiterate the fact that I am a loser. Not totally irresponsible but still a loser. No wonder she had resorted to emailing me on... Read Full Story

So after a looong drawn out period of searching for employment, I am finally working. I had been looking for a long time for anything other than what I was doing with my last steady job. I was at the vets office for a while but that began to wear on me with all the cruelty I saw and the death. I kind of just left one day and never came back. They never even called me to see if I was ok, whatever, I dont think they were the brightest people anyway. After working in the clinic and seeing what... Read Full Story

I am not sure what makes someone decide why there life isnt worth it anymore... I can only give my own perspective. Many people think its a selfish act but how selfish is it to give up the rest of ones life and not because of frivolous reasons, have you considered how hard it is to die alone, or even die. We all have thoughts and dreams we want to accomplish. Can you imagine being so hurt that the only thing left for you is to leave. Nothing that made you happy, makes you happy anymore. You... Read Full Story

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