I hate the person I become when I’m drinking but I don’t think he cares too much for me either, so I guess I’ll either hang, beg, starve or die in the streets.

According to many I have no modesty, no shame, nor the touch of bashfulness that could set me apart from any other degenerate in society.

Which brings me round nicely to Ashley Cole. I do admire a man who can withhold affection from his wife only to weep in front of whores. Yes this is the fellow that proves the world’s international symbol for marriage is a white flag. This is a man that can take drunken sluts off their job seekers allowance and bless them with the seediest things life has to offer.

Yes, I’m talking about the same sluttery slutter you may recognize as Ashley Cole who, the publicity slaves over at Sky Living’s Signed By Katie Price say allegedly swapped £££’s for Jemma Henly’s girlie secrets for over three months.

Recently she tweeted:

“So annoying. The papers keep ringing me about my Ashley Cole story. GO AWAY.”

Yes yes, go away her majesties press corps. GO AWAY with your beastly minds because only Ashley can get away with saying, ‘Why don’t you marry me now before it’s too late, lets share the bad times together.’

If I ever dared to say that I’d be thrown all round my living room by most of London’s Armenian population. Yes I’ve got a woman mean as mean can be.

Dedicated to Liza, a woman who truly understands me.

Tagged as: Ashley Cole, Jemma Henley