The Sparkle in a Baby's Eyes
We've all heard them say it. Some parents say it before you even ask. Some say it so fast (usually after I've asked, "How do you handle it? The screaming? The stinky diapers? The never having any time for yourself ever again?") and with such glowing smiles on their faces, that I often almost believe they mean it. That they truly believe that having a child is worth the opportunity cost. Worth the opportunity cost of lost freedom to do anything you want to do on a whim. Worth the opportunity cost of having the liberty to spend your disposable income to satiate your silly yet seemingly pressing needs. Worth the opportunity cost of lost silence and an undisturbed glass (or bottle) of wine after a supremely harrowing day at the office.
I figured out this weekend why they believe it's worth it. And I, who cannot even keep plants alive and who routinely cannot find a clean pair of jeans to wear, agree with them. I, who have jet-setted to almost forty countries around the world, often completely on a whim, finally agree with them. And it wasn't just the sparkle of love, intelligence and delight in my niece's eyes. Although that would probably have been enough.
When she was a newborn, she was tiny and helpless and cute. But of course she was cute. Even ugly babies are cute. But she wasn't ugly. She was perfectly formed. A proportional, little round face with wide, inquisitive eyes; tiny peaceful fists swinging around then unfolding into a pentagon of exquisitely-crafted miniature fingers; a joyful smile after only a few days when babies aren't even supposed to be smiling yet. But let's face it. Other than small bursts of activity like squirming into a more comfortable position or squanching up her face when she was particularly intent upon dirtying her diaper, she was just a cute little wiggly lump. Like a puppy. Fun to play with for half an hour, but too much responsibility for a selfish career woman with a ton of hobbies to keep fed and clean.
Over the last year, she's grown bigger. Her eyes have grown even more inquisitive but now her brain seems to be involved in figuring things out, too. She's becoming more and more beautiful. And I don't just say that because she is the spitting image of me. Even her mom, my sister, and the father of my brother-in-law say it. Her beauty is growing because she is developing a sharp little brain, adorable mannerisms that make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and the sweetest little personality I've ever seen in a child. Or a puppy, for that matter.
So it isn't just the sparkle of love, intelligence and delight I see in my niece's eyes when she looks at one of us. It's how she picks up cell phones and holds them up to her ear and says "Hello" ten times in a row, giggling and clapping and saying "Yay" when we laugh. It's how she intently looks at each person who is talking as though she is deeply involved in the conversation, too, or just being respectful. It's how she learned from her talking caterpillar to say "Buh bye" in a Southern accent then started saying it in context whenever anyone leaves the room or drives away. It's how she says "uh oh" when she drops something and looks at you for approval that it's okay. It's how she crawls away making a pretend huffing and puffing noise, looking over her shoulder with a smile to get you to chase her. It's how she has recently been taught by her daytime caregiver to share and how she sweetly shoved a piece of her one-year birthday cake that had been in her mouth into my mouth.
She's not my child but I now understand the unconditional love of parents. When you watch their little minds developing, their generosity building, and their charm growing, you can't help but find yourself overcome by an unbelievable wave of awe that they are becoming who they are because of who you are. That their temperaments are forming because of what they see and hear you do. I don't know what my sister and her husband have done, but it's working. And I think it would be worth giving up everything I have - my career, my indulgences, my spare time - to make and nurture a little person or three. Just to see even the tiniest sparkle of love, intelligence and delight in my own child's eyes. In the meantime, I'll have to settle for weekend visits with my niece because her parents adamantly refused to let me clone her, even though I thought I'd asked rather beseechingly.
Copyright 2008-2010 Elizabeth Clark and Soak Up Living. All Rights Reserved.
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