It's safe to say that looking at my past history of attraction to different guys, that they were not interested mostly on the premise that I was not white. Being not just a girl, but a black girl is one of the hardest things to tackle (unfortunately) in life. The idea of trying to be something different seems to scream-- "trying to be white". White they say?! How is trying to simply mold my own interests in music, film, lifestyles,.... anything connotated with a color? This poses a problem for me, as the idea of beauty in the world is to be a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl. Me, with my raven, wild curly afro (mostly donned in summer months, straighten throughout the year), dark-brown almost black almond-esque eyes, and caramel colored skin is practically the antithesis of what is beautiful to not just white guys, but most guys of all the different races, too.

So what's the antithesis of beauty supposed to do to get a date around here? Adapt to the typical stereotype of what it is to "act black"? Be incredibly forward as to let other races know you have interest? Settle for whatever you can get? Stay alone forever? I am at a lost as to what to do, and it depresses me often to know that to many minority men (who seem to often exhibit some sort of self-hate when they express that they "only date white girls") I am not as good or as great of a catch as a white girl (even if she is uneducated and less cultured than I am). I am someone who tries to give everyone a chance, and thinks all races have something that is coveted by me, and should be admired by all. Every race has its beauties and highlights, in my opinion. I will not put myself in a box to say I am only going to date X or only befriend X, Y, and Zs.

My personal experience with this topic stems most clearly from a highschool crush that has lasted throughout all four years of knowing him. He is tall, dark-haired, gorgeous, kind, athletic.. and by chance, w.h.i.t.e. To him, I am just "a friend", never to even be considered a possible option as anything more. It pains me that the amount of melanin in our skin can determine whether or not someone is suitable to befriend, date, or even smile at. My stupid obsession with him is pointless and has yielded me no results as to getting a date. Unfortunately, it may be the case of life as the antithesis of American Beauty.