Abel to Yzerman

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by IwoCPO on 04/22/11 at 01:23 AM ET
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Gregg Krupa might be a nice guy and we all know that when it comes to redolence, he’s tops.  But he’s a little too smart for us. We’re hockey fans, Gregg. Wing fans to be precise.  We say “redolent” all the time here and not a damn one of us knows what it means.  You gave us that gift, Gregg. But now you’re pushing it. I’m not real fond of the second “g”, either. Just FYI.

I have no idea if Krupa feels like our tradition of tossing winsome, willowy, dead Octopi onto the JLA ice is good or bad.  No clue. Because I don’t understand a frigging word he writes.  Dammit man.  We read sports pages because we don’t understand Hamlet. 

Detroit News

Eliminating the 59-year tradition of good-luck octopus tosses would cost the NHL money, and that is about what commissioner Gary Bettman and a ton of other guys with iPhones obsess in the league offices every day.

“That is about what…”  What? 

So, fear not.

Et tu,  Krup-eh?

Lest we forget, that is why we do it.

“Lest”?  Seriously.  Who the hell says “lest” in conversation.  “I should urinate after this 7th beer without relief; lest I soil myself.”

But my concern here is not that “they” will abjure our tradition.

“Abjure”....isn’t that a mustard?

Remember, this is a game in which delays are both strategized and, often, the product of manifest conspiracy.

Aha, now we’re talking bitch.  Now we’re talking. Finally, a word we understand. Good, good. Go with that.

Delays in play are desired by one side and abhorred by the other.

Shut your abhor mouth, Krupa.

Wait though.  Oh, it gets better. 

The priests of Santeria, the combination of Roman Catholic, African and Native American traditions practiced by millions, say multiple evil spells cast at the same target may needlessly confuse things. Feng Shui, the ancient Chinese application of astronomy and geography to aesthetics with the intent of encouraging peace and well-being, suggests that if something intended to attract good fortune gets confused or causes bad feelings it might result in, well, less peace and well-being.

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Charlie Brown teacher talk.  Holy. Hell.  This guy’s writing a hockey story for hockey fans and talking about…Feng Shui?  What. The. Fuch?  You can take that Hong Kong Phooey shit straight to Denver Greg.  Because, brother?  We’re not feeling it.

Thankfully,  there was one line in there that most of us can relate to.

“...it may be a bad idea to toss too often.”

Exactly.  Blindness and all that.  RWBill?

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