If you have perfect perky man boobs then you’ll probably also have the finest silk underwear with your name embossed it. Maybe I should I whisper the security code to heaven’s back door here because me and Craig Revel Horwood are definitely going through it together.

Let me cut to the chase and make this story less long. Craig has admitted to spending thousands of pounds trying to make himself look at home sipping vodka cocktails in a Soho butch bar. While most fellers stop at the humble back sack and crack Craig has gone beyond even a tuck and pluck in his overwhelming desire to look the perfect glam-god.

Yes, Craig has gone all in and had his man boobs hoovered from his chest until C-cup became A-cup.

Craig said:

‘I couldn’t cha-cha-cha about without them jigging in my face so I had them hoovered away and now I feel fabulous.’

Someone save me a seat on the next train to hell if this isn’t the way to save Craig’s sorry ass from a life selling dick candles on Camden market.

Tagged as: Craig Revel Horwood, Strictly come dancing