REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA (2008) **?? movie review by COOP (& DARK SIDE?)

This movie sucks. It's, more like a raging music video spectacle in the vein of "Rocky Horror." Nope, that's not a compliment.

Adapted from a stage play, "Repo!" takes place in a not-so-distant future where organ failure has become a worldwide epidemic. GeneCo comes up with the medical technology to create new organs from scratch and installing them as easily as changing the tires on your car. In order to make the surgeries affordable, they offer financing, but if you can no longer afford to pay, a "repo man" will hunt you down and slice the organ out of you, leaving you to die in the gutter.

Cinematically, it sounds like a blast. Too bad the self-professed "Saw" sequel jerkweed, Darren Lynn Bouseman, embarrassed himself with this mess of a project after embarrassing the horror community by selling his soul to Sheitan (Satan/the Weinstein Bros.) to provide the studios with crappy annual "Saw" movies. Now he's got "Repo!" on his resume. "Hail, Sheitan!" sez Harvy.

The actual story involves a brilliant doctor-turned-repo man, Nathan ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer's" Anthony Head), who takes care of his ailing daughter (Alexa Vega) by day and goes out chopping people up by night. He reports directly to the head of GeneCo, Rotti (Paul Sorvino), a Pavarrotti reject who secretly sets in motion an intricate revenge plot against Nathan for stealing his fiance 17 years ago. Aided loosely in his plan are Rotti's evil children, played by Paris Hilton, Bill Mosely and Ogre from the band "Skinny Puppy." All the while a graverobber (Terrance Zdunich) skulks in the background, narrating the story.

Needless, pointless, aimless... yet I have to admit I had fun watching it. Kinda like a train wreck. The music STANKS, even for a rock opera. However, neat parts; like a teenage rebellion song featuring Joan Jett on the guitar and operatic performances by Andrew Lloyd Webber's wife, Sarah Brightman; made me smile.

Sigh... Yes, Paris Hilton sings, but so does horror icon Bill Mosely (Chop-Top from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" and Otis from "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects'), which made me smile bigger. EVERYONE except for Brightman sounded like they strained their notes and screamed far past their ranges. Whomever produced the cheap-sounding rock music and wrangled the vocal talent really dropped the ball. Despite that, I admired the flashy production design and the outrageous glam rock costumes.

I hated the "Rocky Horror Picture Show" junk. I've seen it, but never with an audience as intended.

Heresy, you say? Well, I've never jumped out of an airplane either, but I'm saving that (and going to a midnight dealie of "Rocky Horror") for my midlife crisis. Like bungee-jumping, I simply have no desire to go until I feel inferior enough to take the unnecessary risk.

I gave "Repo!" (like "Rocky Horror") a fair shot and I found it mildly entertaining as a fan of the grotesque, but a general audience would find it completely infuriating.

I remember witnessing disappointed fans angrily asking for their money back after viewing "The Blair Witch Project" because they had no idea what they were getting into before sitting down in the theater. I can imagine a severe response from audiences if they went to see "Repo!" after expecting a mainstream horror movie starring Paris Hilton. After mulling that, I can't blame a Weinstein for limiting the distribution of "Repo!"

I can't see this becoming a huge hit cult phenom like "Rocky Horror." It ain't quality enough. Plus, I think "Ain't" ain't used enough to describe bad media. Like, "I ain't diggin' Hannah Montana's blatent commercialism and Satanism." If that were real. C'mon, everyone knows there's no such thing as Miley Cyrus. She's just a spook story to scare the kids of mobsters... "Rat on your Pop, and Miley Cyrus will get ya!"

"Repo!" is a valiant attempt at something different, but ultimately fails due to creative self-indulgence. Universal studios (who once courted the "Repo!" property) plans to release a similarly-themed film this year titled "Repossession Mambo," starring Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker.

No word on "Mambo's" similarities to "Repo!" but since Universal originally wanted to do "Repo!" (sans the singing element), don't bet on "Mambo" going the extreme musical route. Nevertheless, if I ever did take charge of LionsGate, I'd have my lawyers ready when "Mambo" creeps closer to its release date.

The official theatrical trailer is misleading in its coolness. Instead, check out this teaser trailer which more accurately depicts the quality of the music and performances...


Okay, in retrospect that shows the coolest suff in the film. I'm docking it another half point just for gaslighting me with the teaser which happens to be WAY lamer than the official trailer which happens to be a TOTAL misrepresentation of the movie. Yep, you're gonna be more disappointed than you think :)

And SUDDENLY... I feel like a hypocrite. I'd pay good money to see this stage play in person. It's so damned wild. I'd see it in a heartbeat. Don't go by my review, folks... feelin' funny...

**AND THE DARK SIDE TAKES OVER**

YEAH IT SUCKS, but in a "sucks so good it's awesome" kinda way. See it if you think it's your thing, like if you're goth and have piercings in your face and tattoos on your ass. If it disappoints you, shoot Coop (in the leg, don't kill my ass). If you like it, remind me why I hang out with you, cuz I'm not completely down with "Repo!." Feels like poser crap, but I kinda had fun with it. So bite me.

Coop... 2 out of 5 stars

Dark Side... "Go see the damn thing if you wanna because you're gonna anyway."

Coop + Dark Side = Repossesion Mambo?