Trojans schmojans: The Vatican has found a real cure for AIDS

(The face that launched a thousand ships – and the one that doesn’t…)

Sometimes, you have to feel for the Roman Catholic church.

It’s not just members of the Church, letting the side down by selfishly complaining about priests who merely want to spread the love in a Christlike ‘Suffer the children’ manner.

They also have to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous outsiders.

From Monty Python’s ‘Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition’ to Richard Dawkins’s ‘The selfish gene’, it seems that everyone wants to have a go at Project Pope.

Being a card carrying Crucifix champion must, at times, feel like being a rubber ball, bouncing off the walls while being chased by a pack of rabid Rottweilers.

Talking of which – rubbers, that is; not Rottweilers: What’s with this nonsense about the Pope condemning millions of people to death because of his condom complex?

I mean, how unfair is that?

Hasn’t he explained, again and again and again, the joys and virtues of chastity? Doesn’t he lead by example? Doesn’t he, like fair Helen in reverse, has a face that could launch a thousand cases of erectile dysfunction and burn the topless powers of any lap dance joint?

Well, of course he has, on all those accounts – and much, much more!

As the following article proves:

“Pope Benedict XVI has canonised Belgium’s Father Damiaan, at a mass in St Peter’s in Vatican City. A large number of Belgian dignitaries attended the mass. Among them were Belgium’s King Albert and Queen Paola. Father Damiaan, who lived in the 19th century, was noted for his work with lepers in Hawaii. He died of the same disease in 1889. With his canonisation, he becomes the patron saint of lepers and AIDS sufferers.”

Can you say ‘Praise Jesus, we don’t need your steenkin condoms!’ now?

(Well, I’m sure everybody expected this clip…)