A new Swiss law says anglers can no longer release the fish they catch: They must kill them humanely instead

I’ve almost given up writing columns about political correct clowns and health & safety nuts. There are so many of these stories in the newspapers and it becomes more than a bit depressing to keep repeating the same things over and over again. Sure, some of these stories are wildly amusing but the people responsible for all the insanity are not - and they wouldn’t even get the joke, however patiently you tried to explain things to them.

So, I decided that’s it’s better to ignore these stories - or when I read them, merely to shake my head and to move on, cursing under my breath but not wasting my breath bemoaning these things at column length. However, the following story is too good to simply throw back into the murky pond from which it rose. It is such a perfect illustration of what is wrong with these people - and how it is also criminally and morally wrong for us to let these loons long enough out of the asylum to do irreparable damage to the structure of our societies.

People often tell me that these people mean well. That you need to have health and safety rules - and that it’s better to be PC than to call people by demeaning names and so on. Still, while I deplore bad manners and, with Jake Elwood, hate all types of ‘Illinois Nazis’ and also think that bosses should be forced by law to create a reasonably safe working environment, all of that does not mean that we should go totally overboard. Banning Christmas trees & carols, or piggy banks because they might offend non-Christians, or forbidding the fire brigade to put up Christmas/festive lights, because that’s not in their job description and they might injure themselves in the process… Well, you’ve heard all the stories: there’s so much of that shit going on and it is, as I said, truly depressing.

So yes, I admit that even the maddest of the PC and Health & Safety lot might not be in it for the thrill of feeling righteous and powerful but that all of them might mean terribly well indeed. I don’t think that is the case for a second but let’s say that all of these idiots are indeed trying to be helpful. Well, even then I still have to insist that they are not. Being helpful, I mean. They are, I’m afraid, annoying little pests who make all of our lives more and more miserable and unworkable.

Anyway, as I said, the following story makes for a perfect parable - for this is the madhouse cum prison world that these people are building, stone by bloody stone, law by stupid law:

From next year, anglers in Switzerland will have to demonstrate their expertise by taking a course on humane methods of catching fish, under new legislation outlined by the Swiss Federal Parliament. The new legislation states that fish caught should be killed immediately following their capture, with a sharp blow to the head from a blunt instrument. Under the new regulations, the use of livebait and barbed hooks is also prohibited except in certain situations. The laws come into effect in 2009 and state that “it is not permitted to go fishing with the ‘intention’ to release the fish.”

So, that’s alright then. To spare the fish the unbearable trauma of getting caught and then thrown back into the water again, we will kill it swiftly and humanely instead. A truly breathtakingly brilliant idea and I’m sure that all the fish will be extremely pleased with these new and indeed very animal-friendly laws.

Send in the clowns indeed. Give me strength…